Peace

The girls are peacefully sleeping and Julian is asleep (again!) It seems like he was asleep all day today . . . I was worried, but my dad reminded me that the girls were like that too. I think that Julian is getting such a different mama than I was only 3 years ago, when Cecilia was born. I'm more organized, patient, and happy. When Francesca was born, I was working full-time, pumping milk for her at work and seeing her only at lunchtime (when I hurriedly ate while nursing her in 50 minutes) and at night and 1/2 days on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It pretty much sucked. Not being one to harbor many regrets, but I can honestly say that is one. When Cecilia was born, I quit working so I was all of a sudden, the full-time mom of two. Andrew didn't have a job until about 2 weeks before she was born, so I'm sure my stress level was higher. I was shocked at what work it was to be home full-time with children. While working full-time, I would come home and ask Andrew, the stay-at-home dad, "What did you do all day? Why is the house such a mess?" Etc., Etc. What an *sshole, right?

Now I know - - - I remember having the living room and dining room be solid toys on the floor, where you couldn't even walk, when I 1st was at home full-time. Not that I still don't have those days, but I am better equipped to deal with them now. Julian has a busy mama, because I have two other bosses, besides him, but I feel more in control, more grown-up, I guess. I realized today, that I think that I know what's best for my children because I'm the mama and they're the children. But what I need to always remember is that I've never been a mama before, just like my children have never been children, so we're on this journey together. The massive amounts of time I spend with my children is not only a time for their growth and development, but for mine as well. I was already aware that becoming a mama had increased my capacity to love, and my ability to be patient with others. There are always lessons right in front of me, all I have to do is slow down and see them. With this in mind, we all seem to be enjoying a lot of peace lately. Their favorite bedtime lullaby right now is "Silent Night," (minus the "virgin" reference - I'm famous for tweeking songs, books on the fly, when need be.) Hoping you, too are enjoying lots of peace! I'm off - to "sleep in heavenly peace." oxoxB